I its back legs was missing. The

I had a friend who had a dog with three legs. One of its back legs was missing. The dog didn’t seem to mind all that much. It still ran around, limping and gimping while chasing balls and happily playing. It couldn’t really jump over any kind of obstacle so the dog would try to go around, or scramble over or under it. I noticed that sometimes when the dog was quiet and lying down the stump would shiver and he would lick it. Maybe it hurt sometimes. Maybe he missed that leg.
You can get by without your family the way that dog got by without its leg. You can be happy and achieve your goals. But the truth is, as you get older, you will miss them and you will notice they are not there and you will feel some pain when you remember they are not there. And you will do better if they are.
In some cases families truly are evil. There are bitter rivalries, petty battles and jealousies and backstabbing, currying for favor and position and greed. Sometimes there is physical and sexual abuse. These families are good to leave behind. In that case, good friends are the family you make for yourself. But this does not seem to be the case in your situation.
That you are unhappy with petty rules and are angry at your father for not being present and fight with your brother and push back against your stepmother is entirely natural behavior. You are pushing at the boundaries of your world and seeking to expand them. But once you get out there into that world you are going to learn some very hard truths — very few people give a damn about you and very many of them will hurt you for even the slightest advantage. While there are many good people out there too the level of extremes that you will see will be far beyond anything you have experienced before. There is unkindness and rigidness and even violence from time to time. One of the few places you can return to where you don’t always have to watch your back is Home and Family. You know what to expect there and in most cases, no matter how rough it is, they have your best interests at heart.
Like you I despised my brother growing up. I’ve written about this on Quora before. He was the favorite and no amount of effort on my part ever got a hint of praise or gratitude from my parents. I made my brother’s life a living Hell. And when I turned 17 I moved off to college and never returned home again. I was glad to get away. But I learned many, many things by being on my own. The house NEVER cleaned itself; if I wanted clean underwear I had to wash it and if I left the dishes in the sink long enough they would stink so much that no one would visit me more than once. I had friends, it is true, people I loved. But I also made mistakes and got ripped off, hurt and taken advantage of by people I mistakenly trusted. I realized that my brother wasn’t the bad guy I made him out to be and I have since spent my life trying to make up to him for the evil I did to him earlier. He has become my favorite person and biggest supporter, the person I always turn to when life is hard. He has never, ever let me down and if anyone has cause to, it is he. That could be you someday.
And as for the stupid, petty rules, if your parents are anything like mine were, the rules were there mostly because they were terrified of the midnight phone call, or of the cop showing up at the door with the bad news, “Your son is dead. Drunk driving. He hit a tree.” Every parent’s worst nightmare, and they have it all the time, even when they are away. So all they can do is try to maintain control with petty rules, stupid rules, that they HOPE will keep you alive and healthy until they die because they never want to experience your death. There’s nothing worse for a parent than to have their child die before they do. So they will create a stupid web of rules that gives them the illusion of your safety. All you have to do is convince them that you are safe and that they can go to sleep at night knowing you’ll be there to sneer at them in the morning and you can pretty much get away with anything. But at the end of the day, there are few people who will sacrifice more and who will hurt more for you than your parents.
And if things don’t turn out as you hoped, you can always swallow your pride and go home and they will give you a meal and a place to sleep. There aren’t many people who will always be there for you as they will be.
You can get by without them just as a dog gets by without that fourth leg. But your life is so much more enriched when they are there. And as your perspective changes you will come to understand them and accept them for the people they are, not just as familiar, contemptible family members whom you have seen in the most embarrassing and foolish situations, or who are inconsistent and inconsiderate and sometimes petty, just as you are, but as people who love you and want the best for you.
And if you resent that your dad is not there, then make the effort to be with him sometime. Meet him for lunch at work. Help him with a chore while he’s at home. Go shopping with him. You don’t even have to talk to him. Just be there. I can tell you this, something I have never told anyone. My dad was a cold, hard, prick of a man who treated everyone poorly. He called us “the labor” and treated us like it. But he put food on the table every night and he never took a vacation so he could use that money to buy us shoes. And the only time I really spent with him was when he was dying, unable to talk, unable to breathe, when I sat by his bed, reading the paper and he just stared straight ahead. The best thing I did for him was to keep him from being alone at the end of his life. I wish it could have been so much more, long before it was too late. You will too.